Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I see through liars

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Why did my ex replace me so fast?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Is depression a cause for always feeling tired?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

What are some examples of unofficial acts by presidents?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

How much of lounge pianists playing is from repertoire, and how much is improvised?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Artists get better with age, e.g., painting. Yet when it comes to pop music, the famous work tends to be written when musicians are in their twenties. So, why aren't Bob Dylan or the Stones banging out amazing tunes now?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t buy bullshit

What is the correct way to say "my pleasure" in French in the context of having given a gift?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I can read

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

How should one handle a situation where they suspect their partner of cheating, but their partner denies it and claims it is all in their head?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

What is the process of becoming an Evangelical preacher? Is attending seminary school necessary? How long does it typically take? Is it financially challenging?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Why do so many 18 to 29-year-old men struggle in dating?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

What was your worst experience while living with roommates?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand how hurricane paths work

What are some signs he is deeply in love with you?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

How do I stop having work crushes because I only keep getting disappointed almost every day as I keep seeing they don’t like me back and won’t ever ask me out?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I actually pay taxes

I can count

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions